I Have a Desire.

[Unfortunately for clarity sake, the vagueness stays at that because the Lord says I can't share details about it. But know it is an intense, soul-consuming desire of mine that the Lord has promised.]

We've all heard the often quoted verse "The Lord gives us the desires of our hearts." True. I do believe that. But which ones does He give and why does He give them?

Author John Eldredge answers clearly by saying "He gave us a heart that desired deeply, and He uses those desires to draw us to Himself, and to the life He created us to live."

To follow the given desires is risky business. If I follow and never reach it, I am filled with pain and sorrow. If I follow and reach it, beauty and joy is found in the achievement of the desire. However, if I decided not to follow my God-given desires, then I give up the possibility of that beauty and joy. Yet, I have to risk the "never getting there" part in order to follow. 

The dilemma of desires.

Right now, I am following and not reaching my desire. It's painful and confusing. I question the purpose of God instilling this desire in my heart. Isn't it just plain rude to give someone an excitement for something, only to reuse them the gift in the end? It's a tease that is tearing at my heart.

But then I refocus: my desire's purpose is "to draw us to Himself, and to the life He created us to live." In John 10:10, Jesus says "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full."

So, follow my thoughts: 

Jesus wants us to have the life He created for us. 

We are designed to have a FULL life.

Which I am guessing includes the joy and life that come out to attaining our heart's desire.

And to get those joys and full life, I need to follow the desire. Hope in it. 

Despite the sorrow I may experience from the delay of getting a desire, I can't give up on it. I can't lose hope that it will one day come. Specifically referring to the above desire, God has promised me its fruition.

I am choosing to have faith in His faithfulness. But WHEN? How LONG must I wait? In the mist of a deferred desire, time seems to creep by. 

I am waiting for His perfect timing. And I am not waiting just because God's timing will lead to the best possible outcome, with me experiencing the joy and full life that I am created to have. As much as I do desire this, it isn't the driving force behind the patience. Why? Because that is a pretty selfish motive. The main urge: I am waiting because I know that in His time, however irrational it currently seems, will be the timing that brings Him the most glory.

And that desire to bring Him glory does exactly what the purpose of desire is: "He gave us a heart that desired deeply, and He uses those desires to draw us to Himself, and to the life He created us to live."

My "unspoken" desire has led me to my desire for God to get the highest glory, which has drawn me to Him. And by drawing to my God, I will get the full life He has created me for.

So as I continue to yearn for my given desire, my prayer is this:
"But as for me, my prayer is to you, O Lord. At an acceptable time, O God, in the abundance of your steadfast love answer me in your saving faithfulness." [Ps. 69:13]