5 years

5 years ago I literally crumbled and felt as if my world had shattered when I learned my daddio unexpectedly died from a heart attack. Today, I stand firm as I declare GOD IS GOOD. 

In the midst all the questions and mental fog I lived in for the 6 months following Nov 3, 2008, I could not have said those words. I didn’t want to fathom a God who allowed death. I hurt too deeply when imaging a doctoral degree, a wedding, or motherhood without my dad navigating the uncharted waters with me. I didn’t want to process the past and imagining the future always led to tears. I didn’t know the reasons behind this tragic situation…and I still don’t. But I can now write an account of all the good that the Lord created out of the death, pain, and grief. 

…bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of The Lord for the display of his splendor. -Isaiah 61:3

And that He did…is doing. I have become a woman of the Lord who still seeks righteousness, humility, love, and freedom, even when the Enemy tries every tactic to convince me otherwise. Because of my dad’s death I have learned lessons most other 26 years olds haven’t, yet I am okay with these seemingly premature lessons because I am now equipped to lead, heal, and restore those whom may be experiencing similar pain to mine 5 years ago.  I now have a powerful testimony of all the God can do, all that he can redeem, and the power of a hope in God’s truths. 

I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord. -Psalm 27:13-14

“A wing and a prayer” was a catch phrase my dad always said when there weren’t answers or clear directions. He used it to encourage me to just “wing it” or walk in faith into situations that didn’t have a defined pathway. He used it to remind me that each stride should be accompanied with prayers to trust a God who loved me deeply and was constantly working for my good. What I’ve learned in the past 5 years is that I shouldn’t just remember my dad’s words in moments of unknown, but in life, the daily nitty gritty, because we have no idea what our last “moment” may really be. We are not to waste life as we prepare to live, but instead live on a “wing and a prayer” daily. 

I am jet-setting to Australia in December for a month. Everyone has been asking why and I’ve decide my favorite answer is “because I want to and life is short.” It’s true and without much clarity, but that’s okay because I am confident that the Lord has put Sydney on my heart for a specific purpose and he will display his reasons as I adventure down the path of that truth. And in all honestly, I’m not sure I would be taking this risk without my dead dad’s catch phrase reverberating in my head. I wish it could have been learned a different way, sure, but I am thankful nonetheless. 

God is good. 

He holds us in valleys. 

He blesses on mountains.
He provides in unexplored territory.

He emanates a hope that sets sails to embark onward. 

God is SO GOOD.

The song as church tonight was ever so appropriate:
In the suffering He is WORTH worshiping.