Gettin' raw.

I am often told I am beautiful, sweet, or adorable. 

I get it. I like the adjectives, even if they are overused. 

But I feel like a beautiful flower that no one wants. 

There is some blemish that makes the buyer not want the specific flower. 

Some bruise, thorn, or mis-coloring. 

There is some flaw, some messed up part of me that turns people, especially guys, away from actually wanting me. And I am honestly scared to know what that something is...

The one struggle that the Enemy constantly plays with in my heart is loneliness. Today, it took grip. I felt forgotten. Invisible in this busy town with busy friends. 

I know I have so many friends and family who love me to death and I am so thankful for them. Yet, because I am so hard wired to receive love through quality time, I struggle to see the love in all other forms, especially though spoken words. The world is busy - that is not a news flash. But I am learning that people wont alway show their love when and in the way I need it. 

Which translates to knowing in my head I am loved but feeling forgotten about because people have their own schedules to fill with moments that don't involve me. 

I'm honestly tired of inviting others to meet up and hang out. I am exhausted when I hardly ever have anyone invite me places. Or even call, for that matter. 

I wish I could blame the world for my insecurities, but there is a deeper root to this gief...

Tonight, I has an epiphany in the mist of my tears. I need to find my value in acceptance from God, not others. I've learned this before, yet somehow I forget it over and over again. The difference this time is my realization that I actually haven't believed in the Lord's love for me as much I thought I had. Tonight, I was reminded of His love for me....the flawed, forgotten one. 

"You have stolen my heart with one glance of your eye." - SOS 4:9

"I have loved you with an everlasting love." - Jer 31:3

"As a bridegroom rejoices over the bride, so your God rejoices over you." Is 62:5

"He has prepared a feast for His beloved." - Is 25:6

His love never fails. 

"Your love is more delightful than wine; it's extravagant and intoxicating." - SOS 5:1

I feel loved tonight by Him. More than I have in a very long time.  I was captivated by thanksgiving for His promised love.

Now, if people would just catch on to His ways.

[Myself included.]